Some songs leave me wanting more for all the wrong reasons. For instance, there’s an obvious question concerning ‘Reasons to be Cheerful, Part 3’: Where are Parts 1 and 2? Ian Dury, singing with his group The Blockheads, only mentioned one-third of the things that made him happy. As they’d probably also make me happy, this song leaves me feeling more tearful than cheerful. How ironic.
Speaking of ironic songs, next on my list, appropriately enough, is Alanis Morissette’s ‘Ironic’ – this irritates me because, despite the title, its lyrics contain no examples of irony. I suppose that makes the song ironic in a roundabout sort of way. Never mind, Alanis, as far as misleading song titles go, you’re in good company…
When I heard Gilbert O’Sullivan had a song out called ‘Nothing Rhymed’ I got a bit anxious, as the title sounded like a criticism of my limerick poems. It turned out Gilbert could teach irony to Alanis Morissette as ‘Nothing Rhymed’ is full of rhymes. Just a thought: Perhaps Gilbert and Alanis could get together and do a mashup song called ‘Nothing Ironic.’
Another misleading song title is 'I Write the Songs' by Barry Manilow. Barry did not actually write 'I Write the Songs' so the song should have been called 'I Write Songs but I didn't Write I Write the Songs.' And I write tongue twisters.
Sometimes it’s not the songs but the record-buying public that leave me perplexed. In 1975, ‘January’ by Pilot became a number-one single in Ireland and the UK during the month of February. (More irony). I’ve spent many sleepless nights (a few minutes, actually) thinking about the reason why anyone would feel so nostalgic about the cold and snow, and the type of people who would want to remember January so soon. I can only conclude that in 1975, a lot of record buyers were snowmen. By the way, a song called ‘March’ would do really well in military circles.
Some tunes bring back bad memories. I first heard ‘At Seventeen’ by Janis Ian at the age of sixteen (which is not the best age to hear ‘At Seventeen’ for the first time). In my opinion, ‘At Seventeen’ is similar to songs written by the great Leonard Cohen – except his material is much more upbeat. According to the lyrics, Janis had such a tough time finding sweethearts that she had to pretend she was talking to them on the phone. This filled me with trepidation because to share the singer’s misfortune would be doubly painful, as I’d have to pretend to have a girlfriend and phone. Sure enough, at seventeen, I did indeed find myself talking to pretend girls on a pretend telephone. (Not all bad news; the call charges were low). To be honest, I was still calling make-believe girls at the age of twenty-seven. But at least I had a telephone by then.
U2 let themselves down sometimes. Bono has been singing ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’ since 1987. It would help if he told us exactly what he’s lost. My guess is that it’s probably something small, like a teaspoon. I feel your pain, Bono, but there’s no point spending decade after decade crooning about a lost kitchen utensil. Just go out and buy another teaspoon. However, if what you’ve lost is the confidence to go shopping, then I’m really sorry for this rant.
© John E. McBride
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