2017 News Headlines (Well, Some of Them)

The following are some actual news items (from early 2017, and September/October 2017) that you may have missed. I’ve added a humorous spin.


The UK agrees on defence deal with Turkey; the turkey says fighter jets are an unnecessary deterrent against foxes.

….

As the Internet Movie Database announces it is to close down its message boards, one contributor asks: “Did anyone else see this twist coming?”

….

Adele fluffs her lines at music awards – she should’ve studied harder at Grammy school.

….

Prison is driving a thief nicknamed “Spiderman” up the wall but he hasn’t made it to the ceiling yet.

….

UK Insurance premiums set to increase – insurers are happy but there’s little compensation for consumers.

….

Disappointed IT nerds demand a refund after watching horror movie It.

….

Brexit news, and as the UK’s Trades Union Congress accuses the Prime Minister of having a ‘Santa wish list’, Britain says its top three demands from Europe are border control, free trade, and a scooter.

….

Police confirm euros flushed down a toilet in Geneva are not real; they are, in fact, a new kind of Swiss roll – a Swiss bog roll.

….

A supermarket’s profits fall despite record sales. A company spokesperson says a solution to this problem would be to sell more records.

….

US scientists win the Nobel Prize after solving how our bodies tell time. My body tells the time by looking at my watch with my eyes.

....

Bags for life can make you ill – so please don’t eat them.

….

A follow and share would be appreciated, thanks. And now, the weather…

© John E. McBride (2017)